Finding Your Authentic Self - Part 2

Dealing with all of those thoughts.

Last time I wrote about tuning in to your authentic self through quiet time and meditation. So, what to do next? You've taken some time to listen to yourself, but if you're honest you have to admit that a lot of what runs through your head is complete nonsense!

Our brains are like computers. We are constantly processing information and filtering it. The filters are formed by the impressions we've been exposed to, such as television, the comments and opinions of other people, what we've heard or read from the media, childhood experiences, inherited beliefs, etc. As a result, sometimes your thoughts are just plain wrong and don't reflect your true self or your true beliefs.

Remember that your thoughts are not who you are. Just because a thought passes through your mind doesn’t mean that’s how you really feel. We must not react to every thought that we have. When something that your authentic self knows to be "wrong" passes through your mind, stop and acknowledge that it was just a thought and nothing more.

So while you can’t control your thoughts, you can control your emotions and your reactions. Most people have it backward. They believe they can control what they think, but that they have no control over their emotions. Emotions and actions together form a reaction to the thoughts that you are having. You can choose to react or not to react.

Your thoughts are not you. Dismiss what doesn't serve you and move on.

Finding Your Authentic Self - Part I

You wouldn't think that it would be that difficult to know yourself. After all, you've lived with you for your whole life. But so much of what we "know" about ourselves is the result of external input and influence. You store away in your subconsciousness everything you've ever been told about yourself -- every compliment, every criticism. You also store away all of your own misconceptions and ideas borne from fear and insecurity, as well as those ideas and misconceptions that you pick up from the magazines and television.

So how do we go about sifting through all of these ideas and perceptions and figure out who we really are -- our authentic self?

You can start by being alone with yourself. I know that's a difficult thing for many people. With family obligations, work and relationships, solitary time can be hard to come by. However, it's really crucial to your own personal growth to find some time, somewhere, to spend with yourself.

This time should be a form of meditation -- for reflection with no specific agenda. You don't necessarily need to sit in a quiet room, crosslegged, staring at a spot on the wall - but if you're comfortable with this form of meditation that's great. Your time can be spent walking, gardening, sitting, or any other solitary activity that doesn't require a great deal of thought. (No TV -- television just puts more negative impressions in your mind and keeps you from thinking at all.)

Start with 20 minutes a few times a week. Try to clear your thoughts... no agenda, no self-criticism, no to-do list planning. Just be quiet in your mind and see what pops up. The most important thing to remember in this process is NO JUDGMENT. Try to look at your thoughts objectively and with curious interest - don't criticize. Be kind to yourself. Think of your authentic self as a new friend who might be a little shy at first, afraid of not being accepted. Give yourself a little space and I think you'll be amazed at the things you discover.

Next week: Finding Your Authentic Self - Part 2: Dealing with all those Thoughts

Is Negativity Holding You Back?

Negativity always finds a way to creep up on us from time to time. It's when negativity builds up too much or shows up too often that creates an obstacle. A negative attitude can hold you back from truly living your life. However, you don't need to feel stuck because you can bring positive thoughts back into your life!

How Negativity Can Hold You Back

Negativity can hold you back in a number of ways. Have you heard the saying: "If you think you can't, you're right"? It's true! Negative thoughts like this really do sabotage your efforts. The good news is that you can gain control over how you think. When you're expressing complaints and negativity all the time, it not only affects you, but it also affects the people around you.

Negativity, itself, can be the reason why you create roadblocks that don't really exist. So it's time to choose the positive (and, yes, it is a choice!).

Manifesting A Positive Attitude

When you adopt a positive attitude, you open yourself up to the wonderful world of possibilities. Believe it or not, positive thinking is very powerful. It's the driving force that steers your life into the direction of your dreams. Remember, your thoughts affect how you feel (emotions), and how you feel affects what you do. So if you can change your thoughts, you can change your outcome.

How To Develop A Positive Attitude

1. Visualize. When the negative thoughts come crawling into your mind, transform them with positive images. Visualize something that you find pleasing, peaceful, or exciting. Remember what your ultimate goals are and imagine what it feels like to achieve them. Feel that sense of accomplishment. Let yourself experience the emotions you associate with living the life of your dreams.

2. Write it down. Keeping a journal has many positive effects. It helps you vent your frustrations, organize your life, and reflect on your innermost thoughts and feelings. However, instead of focusing on the negative, use your journal to chronicle the things that have gone well in your life lately. Write about the things that you are grateful for. Gratitude is a very powerful emotion that helps you stay in a positive mind-set. We all have something to be grateful for.

3. Relax. Negative feelings are bound to arise when you're in a stressful state. It's important to take time out of each day for yourself. This means that you need to adopt a relaxation method that works for you. Perhaps you can take a bath, go for a walk, attend a yoga class, or meditate.

4. Live for the moment. Live your life for the moment and let go of everything else going on in your life. Negative feelings can easily overwhelm you if you're consumed by past failures or the fear of the future. When you concentrate on the present, your life becomes more peaceful and positive.

In the end, go easy on yourself. You don't need to be your own worst critic. Remember, believing in yourself is a choice.

Overcoming Fear and Taking a Risk

It's easy to stay put in your comfort zone and never take any considerable risks. After all, if you don't rock the boat, you can't fall into the sea. But without risk, there are few rewards.

Overcome Your Fears
You already know that taking risks can be scary. To build up the courage, you need to master your fears. However, if you've spent the better part of your life with fear, it could be deeply ingrained in your subconscious. Acknowledging that you're afraid to step outside your comfort zone is the first step. Here are a few tips on overcoming fear of change:

1. Recognize Your Fears. Recognize your fears for what they really are. You'll soon discover how your fears are limiting you by your emotional reactions to them. Accept that the fear is real, but challenge yourself to approach the situation objectively and from a distance in order to lower your emotional response.

2. Define Your Fears. Many times we're afraid of something because it remains in the unknown. We might label something as risky because we don't yet know or understand what's going on.

3. Jump Anyway. Don't let fear keep you from doing what you want to do. Acknowledge it, experience it, and then do it anyway.

Taking Risks
Once you deal with your fears, it's time to take some risks. Whether you realize it or not, you take risks everyday. Most risks are quite minor, but risk accompanies nearly every decision you make.

Here are some tips to help you get into a risk taking mindset:

• If the word "risk" sounds negative to you, instead think of it as more of an "adventure," "journey" or "challenge."
• Consider the reasons why you're hesitant to take a risk. What's the worst that can happen?
• Visualize a positive outcome. What does it look like? How does it feel?
• Write out a plan. When you have a plan in place, taking a risk is a whole lot less threatening.
• When you've taken the leap, evaluate your experience so you can improve in the future.
• Self-confidence is the most important ingredient to success.

Putting it all Together
Fear can be an uncomfortable feeling. If you're feeling tentative about the whole thing, get your feet wet with small steps. You can't expect yourself to change drastically overnight, but at the same time you have to believe in yourself and believe that change is possible.

Most of the good things in life require some kind of risk. Sometimes we fail, but there is always a lesson to be learned. Overcoming fears and taking risks go hand in hand and lead to personal growth. Start small and dream big.

9 Ways to Conquer the Fear of Change

Change can be a scary thing. When you make a change in your life, you bring yourself into the unknown. You travel from a safe place to one where you don't know exactly what will happen.

The truth is, there is nothing you can do to stop change. This world is always changing - sometimes for good and sometimes not. The best thing you can do for yourself is to learn the best ways to adapt to change. You'll soon learn that there's no reason to fear! Here is a list of strategies to conquer your fear of change:

1. Think Positive Thoughts. When you embark on a change in your life, think it through in a positive way. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, picture it all going right.

2. Learning Life Lessons. Think about some of the past changes you've gone through in your life and include both the positive outcomes and the negative ones. Regardless of your past, it's likely that you've learned an important life lesson. Yet, if you keep your life stagnant, you'll lose out on the many important life lessons and experiences.

3. Write Your Thoughts Down. Writing down your innermost thoughts can provide a similar release as confiding with a close friend. Change can be scary, but if you provide yourself with a way to conquer the fear, you can find the courage underneath.

4. Try Hypnosis. Hypnosis and self-hypnosis techniques have been known to help when we need to alter our thinking. Hypnosis can help you relax by feeding you transformative thoughts.

5. Positive Motivation. If you want to get over your fear of change, you have to actually want the change. If you do, you'll do whatever it takes to get motivated. You can do this by reciting affirmations, writing directions down for yourself, or asking a trusted friend or family member for help.

6. Stay in the Present. Staying in the present moment can help you conquer any fear. It's far too easy for your mind to get caught up with regrets about the past or worries about the future. In moments of self-doubt, focus only on whatever you're doing at the moment. This moment is all you have, so you might as well enjoy it!

7. Break Down the Change. If you're planning a big change in your life, perhaps it will help to break down the change into a series of smaller steps. Doing so will help you to feel less overwhelmed if you can easily transition into a change instead of feeling shocked and scared.

8. The Right Time. Remember that it's always the right time to change. Don't make excuses for yourself. Believe that you can do it and go for it!

9. The Back Up Plan. When you embark on a path of change, it may be the unknown that scares you most. If possible, carefully plan through your change. Think about all the possible scenarios and outcomes - positive or negative - then make a plan. When you have a plan, you'll ease your fears of the unknown and feel at least a little more comfortable with the change.

Change for the Better: Change is going to find you one way or another, so you might as well earn how to go with the flow and learn how to let go. Sure, this is easier said than done, however, learning how to better adapt to change can improve all aspects of your life!

Letting Go and Making Space

What popped into your mind when you read the title of this post? It means something different for every person and changes often.

For me, today, it’s about “stuff.” My home is mostly neat and organized – except two spaces: the garage and an extra bedroom. These spaces are where I stick anything that doesn’t have a place. Things that should either be put away, given away or thrown away.

We hang on to all kinds of things: belongings, people, habits and beliefs. Often we hang onto them long past their usefulness. Too often, we define ourselves by these things -- which is why it is so hard to let them go.

So what was it that you first thought of when reading the title? Are you ready to let it go and make room for more in your life?

Because when you hang onto things that are outdated, you prevent something new and better from coming into your life. This applies to “stuff” as well as to people, relationships, bad habits, unfulfilling jobs, excess weight, and outdated or negative beliefs. Your ego forms attachments to things, people, habits and beliefs out of a desperate need to give form and definition to something that is formless and indefinable: you. You are not what you own, who you are in a relationship with, who your friends are, what your job is, what you believe or how much you weigh.

It’s only by letting go that you can receive. Let go of what doesn’t serve you… and I’m going to go clean out my garage.

Using Your Judgment... or Not

I wrote this post because a friend of mine recently posted a link on Facebook to a piece that had run in the Los Angeles Times. The Times article discussed how the issue of racial profiling was once again coming to light following the arrest of Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. in Massachusetts.

This started me thinking about why people make judgments. Not only against African Americans, but against any other race, culture, nationality or sexuality that is different from their own.

What is it that makes us react this way toward other human beings? The Chinese philosopher Confucius said “By nature men are alike. Through practice they have become far apart.”

It is our nature as human beings to judge everything that we see, hear, smell and touch. We do this every second of every day. The human brain constantly processes information, involuntarily, and makes decisions (judgments) about the information received. “I don’t like the way this tastes” is just as much a judgment as “I don’t like the way he looks.”

Our minds are programmed with information from the time we are born. We learn from our families, our friends, our societies and our own experiences. Many of these influences have made subconscious impressions on our minds and may have been passed down through generations of our family. These ideas that are imprinted on our subconscious may not have any applicability to our current life circumstance – yet they remain there, part of the filtering system that influences our thoughts, likes and dislikes.

It is impossible to turn off this part of your mind. But that doesn’t mean that you have to listen to it. Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true.

Think of your brain as a computer. It is constantly processing information and filtering data. However, the quality of the outcome (the millions of thoughts racing across your consciousness) is totally dependent on the quality of the programming (all of the information that you’ve been exposed to your entire life, including the opinions of other people, the media, childhood experiences, inherited beliefs). The end result? Sometimes your thoughts are wrong.

Remember that your thoughts are not who you are. Just because a thought passes through your mind doesn’t mean that’s how you really feel. The key is not reacting to negative thoughts. Stop and acknowledge that it was just a thought and nothing more.

So while you can’t control your thoughts, you can control your emotions and your reactions. Most people have it backward. They believe they can control what they think, but that they have no control over their emotions. Emotions and actions together form a reaction to the thoughts that you are having. You can choose to react or not to react.

The thoughts running through your brain constantly all day are not who you are – they are not you. They are your brain computing and processing information in accordance with what’s been programmed into it. Who you are is the being that responds to those thoughts. You can’t control every thought that goes through your mind but you can control your emotions and your actions and the way that you respond to your thoughts.

It’s not reasonable to expect yourself to completely stop having judgmental thoughts, or to never again have a single negative thought. It’s simply not possible. But it is possible to control the way that you respond to those thoughts.

When you have a thought that you don’t like, you have two options. If you are in a situation that you have time to examine where the thought came from (such as when you are meditating) then you can analyze and perhaps eventually stop having that thought because you are able to resolve the issues that caused the thought to arise. But, most often, in your day to day life when you have a thought you don’t like, you need to first acknowledge it “okay, I had that thought and I don’t like it,” and then dismiss it “I don’t need that thought, it doesn’t serve me.” Move on. Don’t waste time feeling guilty, that gives the thought power over you. Simply forget about it.